I’m supposed to be baking cupcakes and muffins right now. Setting up the cupcake decorating, the crown-making & the coloring station. Most definitely I need to be cleaning the house. But here I am. Looking at THREE straight in the face and wanting to sprint the other direction.
Three means no more babies in the house. Three means the terrible threes (MUCH worse than the two’s!). Three means my little girl is really my little girl. My heart is actually beating faster right now. And for once, it’s not the coffee. I’m not ready. I’m sad. I’m scared. I’m elated and excited and deathly afraid. I’m taking deep breaths, just like I teach my kids to do. It’s not working.
We’re done having kids. Two is great, PERFECT, thank you very much. But there’s just the finality of it all. Pregnant three times, gave birth twice. I’m totally serious when I say I loved, loved, LOVED being pregnant. Everything about it was glorious to me: the kicking, the mood swings, the cravings, the fact that I had an excuse to give in to the cravings (ok, truth: I crave just as much when I am not pregnant), the massive back and sciatic nerve pain the last 3 months. All of it. I loved being pregnant. I loved giving birth.
I did not love the infant stage.
But the toddler stage? That’s what I call the bring-on-the-fun stage. And now that my kids are both talking full amazing huge sentences, dancing, singing, asking questions, forming opinions and attitudes, dreaming, creating…I love all that too.
But three. My baby will be three tomorrow. I blinked, and she went from being a totally competent grown up baby to being a totally competent grown up 3-year-old. She’s always been independent and capable, but she’s also always needed her mama just a little bit. The irrational mom brain in my head right now is freaking out thinking that three means she will no longer have any need for me, her clingy mama.
No more babies. I’m ok with that. Really, I am. I’ve been blessed and so so so grateful to have these two amazing kidlets who just rock my world beyond the imagination. And yet. And yet…
Happy birthday to my darling little princess C. You have brought so much life and light to the world in your 3 years on earth. May you always know how much you mean to all of us, how much we love, admire, and cherish you. May you never lose your strong sense of self, your love of singing and dancing no matter where we are, your immediate welcoming smile when you enter a room, your huge imagination, your warmth and sweet care toward others. You were an amazing baby, and you are an incredible child. We love you more than you love shoes and tutus and all things ballerina combined. Happy birthday sweet girl!!!